GOAT

AS IF I DIDN'T HAVE ENOUGH GOING ON WITH MY LIFE...

After 5,000 years of existence, a professor in Minneapolis (who, for all intensive purposes, has no business meddling in the affairs of other people... like me), has stated that the Zodiac cycle that we have come to know and love is completely false, and that there is an additional sign, Ophiuchus. So, instead of a nice even twelve zodiac constellations, there's thirteen, adding everything into the mix.

Now, I'm no big Zodiac freak, but I've always been an Aquarius. Now I'm a Capricorn.

Capricorn... is a goat.

CAPRICORN IS A GOAT.

WHAT.

No, no, you're not telling me that I went from water bearer (which was already a fairly lame zodiac sign to be born with) to... A GOAT.

GOAT.

GOAT.

GOAT.

NO.

I can't be a goat. Goats are lame. Do people go around getting tattoos of goats? No. The majority of people with zodiac tattoos are, I'm guessing, not Capricorns.

This has thrown me way off. I don't even know what to say. It's beyond ridiculous. I always thought I was lucky enough to be an Aquarius, who narrowly escaped being a goat.

Now I have to wait another 5,000 years for another professor to discover the 14th zodiac constellation, which will maybe put me around Sagittarius. The centaur. That's a little less lame than a goat.

I'm already the rooster in the Chinese Zodiac... now I'm a goat in the star zodiac. What's next? My social security number? I'm in the process of applying to college. What if everything changes. WHAT IF THE ENTIRE WORLD AS I KNOW IT COLLAPSES AROUND ME? If the Zodiac can change on a dime like this, then nothing is for certain. I could wake up tomorrow to discover I'm purple.

And the icing on the cake is that I have my Lit Oral tomorrow and I should be studying for that but instead I'm sitting here reading up on the Zodiac and making sarcastic remarks about it in a blog.

GAH.